I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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