how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
