you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
