Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
