i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
