dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
