I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
