we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
