that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
