i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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