You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
