Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
