his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
