Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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