He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
That's intense
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
