Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
