We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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