I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
