Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
