i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
