don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
