Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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