Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
