My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
