it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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