I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
