either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
