You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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