I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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