Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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