Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
not ubering you a puppy
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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