I want to make a zoo with you.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
