paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
