You smell like stripper and shame
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
