I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
