she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
