I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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