Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
