Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
