White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
