I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize