i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
