I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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