Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
