i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
