Define "chronic" masturbator.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
