jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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