Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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