Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
