so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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