i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
