Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
