why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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