i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
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