I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
