he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
