Barsexuality is the new black.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
