he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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