Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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