She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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