i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
