Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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