Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
