Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude i'm inner monologue high
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
