hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
