do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We were destined to go to rehab together
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
