Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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