So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'm really busy with my period
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