to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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