I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
