I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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