so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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