Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
