I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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