Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
