exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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