I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
