dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
