be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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