After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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