u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
