I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
