all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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