respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
