Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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