Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
A bitchslap is in order.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
