How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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