I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
