All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
