I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
