I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
