im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
