so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
